Do we deserve to be loved?

We always seem to be looking for something better, something more fulfilling, which is very easy to do when the lines are drawn for products and services, but not so much people. People…well, I don’t like to deal with people, I like dealing with individuals, and it is on the individual level that we build relationships and can rid ourselves from the mass hysteria.

What does this mean as a person are trying to find someone to be with, or to just see where a relationship might go? It means, we are at huge a disadvantage and it may not be for the reason we think.

Some say that finding the relationship type or the right person, is half the fun, but not for everyone. Those who are out searching for a companion in the real world, or even media linked dating sites, will quickly tell you that it is not a “big single’s party hookup” like seen on TV and rarely fun. There are no one nightstands every night out to the bar or techno club dance floor relationship sparked over fifteen dollar drinks and a dance song that never ends. The reality is that people outside of places like that know that at some point they have to come back to the real world and when they do, they do not always like the person who they brought back, or …themselves.

Of course in life we can only control ourselves, but what does that mean when trying to find a relationship? Everything. I am a strong believer in the idea that “You cannot truly love someone else until you love yourself”. This means to be in a state of giving and willingness to open your life and yourself to someone else you should know and love who you are, the latter being the hardest part. We as people may care and give to one another, but at a certain point there is nothing more we can give, because we did not get what was needed in return. I hate the idea this comes from another person, because often times it is what we did not give ourselves.

                In a way we are in a relationship with ourselves which the normal things you would expect to find in a relationship such as giving, taking, appreciating and loving. These things are often not considered when looking in the mirror, that we are not just the person in the mirror but we are everything we think, do and act on. Whether through our own eyes or someone else’s; and this means responsibility for happiness is up to ourselves, plain and simple.

In order to be ourselves and love ourselves we need to understand that we are perfectly imperfect people. As a person we are the only ones that can define ourselves, through our own mind and eyes. Once this idea is in place, one can really look at themselves and find out what they like or may not like about themselves. It does not, however, have to be so black and white. Often times, the decisions that we make are based off of what is known in the here-and-now and we do not always know the full details of the situation. I cannot stress that last point enough, because it ties into forgiving yourself.  Which for most people is one of the hardest steps to overcome, but the most necessary. Through forgiveness, we can move forward in our mind and in our life towards who we want to be and how we want to act.

I, like most people, have always found that the past haunts us all, but that if I think hard enough I can always say, “if I did not do that or make that decision I would not be here in my life today.” Maybe the place you are now is not where you want to be, but if you are thinking about this, then that means the change has already started.

Change is not an easy thing to do I had to fight off the idea that “Why do I deserve to be happy with someone else?” What have I done in this life to make me worthy of such a rare thing? That is when I realized that I don’t… I don’t deserve to be happy in life and relationships until, I am happy with myself. Now with being happy with myself I have so much more to give. I know myself in and out and I am able to see the flaws and mistakes that other people make are similar to ones I have or made myself. Despite the way it may feel, no one is alone in the mistakes department. Through loving yourself and forgiving yourself, one will not find happiness because as a whole person you will be creating it.

I will be posting more on some ways to be happy with yourself in the next few days. If you like what you read please follow me via email over on the right. – if you are viewing this page on a mobile device you may need to click “View Full page” to subscribe.

               
Thank you,
Mark